Part One	Part Two	Part Three
Funny Novel Company	Funny Novel Production	Corporate Contact

[Surgeon General's Warnings]	[Company Output]	[Coming Products]
[About the Company]	[Present Products]	[Support]
[Articles Of Association]	[Been There, Done That]	[Thanks for the visitors]
[Company History]		[Other Input From This Author]
[Company Spirits]
[Company Policy]
[Chronicle of Services]

Part One: Funny Novel Company

Warning #1
International English Could Cause Mind Cancer, Soul Disease, And May Complicate Digestion of Texts.
Warning #2
All Output Of The ECH Corporation Contains Mad Humor, Which Could Be Bad For Your Melancholy Or Depression.

This living corporation is an incorporation of biochemical structures [like a skeleton], systems [like a nervous system], and an association of inner organs. Some parts and systems are not truly happy in the company, some just want to get out, or take a holiday for a while, but usually all disaster ends up in a somewhat unwilling cooperation. At least, we can say that up to date, it has always been so. We hope this collaboration will continue for quite a while yet. The company was incorporated an ungodly long time ago, so the hope about a long-term teamwork could be a good guess. At the incorporation this company was labeled Erik Cornelius Heber.

This company has got uncountable trillions of employees, if we can believe the scientists. All these are working together for the benefit of the corporation, in order to secure the future of the company. These are the cells of the incorporation. The company has also got about a hundred billion other kind of employees, in the form of gray matter. They are also working for the maintenance and preservation of the corporation, although on a different way from the other workforce. To be frank, we admit, that demonstrations, partial strikes, and other illustrations of discontent can come to pass, but no labor force has ever marched out in volume. This gives the corporation a kind of stability.

For an immorally and outrageously long time the only aim of the company was just being happy about to be incorporated and have fun. This company was taught to read and write by its male founder at the tender age of five. Soon enough, the company discovered, that it was also able to put together words on a funny way. So, regardless of the fact, that there was no need for it, the company outlet began in about the eighth year of the corporation's existence: it was a surrealistic poem, The Red Chorister. Nobody bought its message, so the production went over to the more comprehensible types. The outlet goods were poems and short stories, but the company never thought to submit. It was always for personal amusement: to family, friends, acquaintances and, when the company ripened, to lovers.

Another special type of having fun for this corporation was learning. From astronomy to linguistic, from higher math to literature, everything seemed to be interesting - simply, life was interesting. When the company got tired of life, it went to the library, borrowed about a dozen books, fiction and non-fiction, and immersed itself in them.

Reading took off a lot of time from production, but consuming both life [fiction] and knowledge [non-fiction] from can was also fun for the company. Professionally, the corporation's most important phases were to become an architect, then a system programmer, and it is writing full time now.

For a long while the corporation was working day and night, and it was well-paid for its services. [See more in Services] Finally, in the 80's & 90's, this biochemical company traveled the world with its faithful backpack, living for years in a number of countries, from Singapore to the US. The corporation began to write novels after returning to Sweden. There the company is living now with its female partner company and daughter-company. The first novel was The Invincibles. By some readers it was graded as a madly funny novel. (Thanks for the grade.)

Basically, the corporate spirits could be summed up as being artist or creator. [See more in > Services]

This company subscribes to the ages-old belief, that there is more to this universe than the physical bodies. So, we believe that the physical body is the mix of four influences, or principles, like fire, earth, air and water. These are also the lower planes of existence. The higher planes of existence are the astral or ethereal [emotional], the mental [intellectual] and the spiritual [divine].

So, what? Nothing. This is not a company with a religious mission. We don't sell salvation. We think people usually got the belief they deserve. We mention it only because there is always a slant of supernatural in any company outlet.

More about the taste of the corporation: it seems to lean also towards the humorous and the erotic. Its humor was mostly schooled on Wodehouse and Westlake, while the erotic interest was schooled by Chinese teachers.

About the company policy: this company is incorporated in the sign of Aries, so, the conscious decisions are usually made on that basis. The ascendant being the Capricorn, the unexplainable drives are usually become explainable by that. Even the dumb and foolish acts and decisions are usually explained away by the ascendant, although many times they are simply but dumb and foolish acts, period. In this, the company is very similar to most incorporated entities.

Note: Aries and Capricorn are similar, horny creatures. What does it mean? Let it be the homework of the student.

As an artist, this corporation was good at several branches of art, for example, architecture, hand drawing, arts of the word, like short stories and poetry, and techno arts, like image creation: photography, photoset, casting, scene-taking, and short film.

One problem was that the company spirit was quite wild and cheeky; for a good punchline it has lost with a light heart any kind of work contract. By outsider opinions, the corporation was said to be simply impertinent. Another attribute was that the company just loved to have, recommend and use outsider ideas about any branch of art it was in contact with.

Wildness and outsider spirit combined with its impertinence, resulted many times, that the company guffawed and rolled with laughter in his lonely headquarters, thinking about the faces at his last company meeting with potential contractors, but haven't got money for fuel [=food].

Finally, by chance, or, as the company thinks sometimes, by an unfortunate series of events, it came out that the company was a good and trustable worker of words. It could imitate any style, and so it got some relatively well-paid ghost-writer jobs. Later on the company realized that ghost-working was possible in all the fields it was well-versed, that is, was qualified or trained or talented. Somehow there were many people out there who were too lazy or too busy to do their own jobs. In many fields.

The company was engaged in several fields of creation, from architecture to poetry, but, in fact, can't show any earlier products. The company admits, its excuses, on the first hand its ghost-creating past, on the second hand its non-existent archiving routines, and on the third hand its laziness, are actually just excuses. So, let's just say that the company finished its services. And, instead of wailing, here are some stories.

The female parent company made a call to some relatives by the way of the local train. Traveling back homeward, she began a conversation with another woman. When she told the family name, the woman she met persuaded her to leave the train at a stop. The woman showed her the house, which was designed by the company, then invited her to dinner, and told her gratitude to the company, she was so satisfied with the design.

Another story. This personnel was just coming back to Sweden, and as usual put in an ad in the biggest daily newspaper for work. A man called about a ghostwriting project. We agreed about the terms, even about the price, and he said he would call when he'll get back from the country. Some days later he called again. He revealed that he wanted the company to live in his spare room. When he understood that the company has a partner company and a daughter company, (not to mention the company cat,) he abruptly finished the conversation, and never returned the company's calls.

Part Two: Funny Novel Production

"The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it is queerer than we can suppose." - J. B. S. Haldane

Each is a darkly funny tale: great depth of suspense and grand emotions, with an ironic approach, assured to hold you captivated from page one to the unforeseeable finale.

Do you think it's weird that one book is out of print, and the other is still not in print? You're right. But you can find uncountable websites where writers are wailing about the weird and barock handling they receive from the publishing industry. I could have started a blog about that so I just did... and then shortly shut it down. I just get depressed about reading and writing about publishing nightmare. The general-interest posts I moved into my Spiteful Blog. In the next article you can read a funny summary.

"Book publishing industry…" how fine it sounds. Before you know it.

Everyone said that the best way possible is to get a publisher directly, without any middle hands.
After a six-month period of seeking, I could get in touch with a small publisher.
The publisher accepted my novel. We have signed a contract, very bad for me. But at least it was a contract.
He gave me the publishing month.
I put up book on the net, as coming book.
One month before the publishing month the publisher became totally unreachable.
Later on I got the info from the web that my publisher folded up.
"What's the difference between publishers and terrorists?"
"You can negotiate with terrorists."

Years ago I saw a lot of articles and advertisements, stating that Print-On-Demand (POD) is revolutionary new book printing method.
A recommended POD publisher assured me that POD is now up to the same book press quality than either screen-printing or offset printing.
So, I made the pdf file for a text block, created a cover, whatever, and sent the package to this "publisher."
She checked the package and sent over to the printer.
I got a print galley and was assured again that after that my book is ready.
And it was. But, unfortunately, it came out that the final book is of the same DTP (DeskTop Publishing) quality than the so-called print galley.
That is, Print-On-Demand is the same well-known quality than good, old DeskTop Publishing. A wolf in sheep's clothing. What positive can we say about DTP/POD?
Two moths are flying out of the cinema after a film.
One of them says, "I think the book was better..."

So, I set for getting agents.
Selling out hundreds of individual query letters and book proposal packages via the web took almost a year.
I hooked exactly one agent.
They requested that I send the usual book proposal package, with 15% of the book's text. (Usually it's the first three chapters.)
Next, they asked for that 50% of the text.
Then, they requested that I send 75% of the text.
After that they called for whole novel.
Couple of weeks later I got a one-liner that my novel wasn't accepted.
Then all further communication was cut without explanation.
"How many literary agents does it take to change a light bulb?"
"Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb."

I'm not an innocent anymore about the ways of book publishing. Most of the so-called "editors"- in fact, readers only - are young women, mostly English majors, like the majority of waiters in America, who are absolutely sure in their judgments. Editors are like writers from this point of view: "Many are called but few are chosen."

Like most of the childless social workers, which judge a mother's conduct by the quality of her cleaning, not by her love and care to her child, most of them are not able to write a lit bit, and never wrote.
Well, I know. People would say to this statement that "I have never laid an egg, but I know which egg is good." You decide.

Another fact is that most editors think their judgment is some kind of impartial literary criticism. Well, I tell you, there is no such thing. There is only personal opinion, and that's all. If someone tells you she is impartial and she believes it she lies both to you and herself. If she doesn't believe it then she just lies to you. I know I'm not impartial about editors… but I don't call it "official" critique. It's just my opinion based on the events I experienced.

Obviously, there are exceptions. In an ideal world every writer finds his suitable editor sooner or later. Unfortunately, some writers never find their exceptions …

Well, don't feel like you have to pity me. One of these days I'll get around and publish my books on some way.

Product One: "Little Red Riding Hood turns into Big Bad Wolf" or "The Invincibles"

A small American town becomes a battleground between a group of freshly transformed werewolf "cubs" and an assortment of crooks. The prize $200 million in gold bars. If you can seize it. From swindler to thief, from robber to murderer, all want to get it. Investigating organizations try to clear up the mess, but finally the army has to step in, just to tread on everyone's foot. With paratrooper boots.

Judy, a fully-grown woman, but a "cub" both in love and as a supernatural being, becomes involved with Lawrence, a criminal investigator. Puppy love. A clash of wills follows that neither of them wins, because Lawrence is also falling in love with her. Victim of love. He discovers that now the bad guys are "good." Or, at least better than the really bad ones. Investigating organizations fail ridiculously. The invincible werewolves win, but pay a terrible price. Though not in gold.

"Weird guy meets weird girl. Or, poet meats a mathematician. Or, a freelancer meets an accountant. And so on. Reluctantly but inexorably, they become associated, while they have their respective girlfriends/boyfriends and sexual encounters. They also living their own separate lives and separate troubles. Are they together or alone, doing whatever, people drop dead around them, their deaths always giving the couple some advantage.

Coming Products

quill a joke

On the written-word side of creations, the corporation has an elegant and well-made list of its coming outlet. The only problem with it is that this company has never succeeded to make just the item that was next on its list. Both written novels came just like a thunderstroke from a clear sky, instead of them which were on the list. So, the most the company can say, that it is working presently on about a dozen humorous projects, but has no idea which work will win the race. We will let you know as soon as we know...

The company does not promise special edification, great insight, moral improvement, or revolutionary new knowledge. There is only one thing we promise: the reader will have fun.

This site is being continually redesigned on the basis of the visitors' opinions. The aim is to keep it to be a witty web site. Let's know your opinion.

- Well, actually, we do not listen to emails anymore. We have tried, but couldn't hear a thing. So, from time to time, some of the team opens an email, and read it if it's witty enough. Sometimes she even answers, but no guarantee about that.

As I said, the significant posts from the shut-down blog here had been moved to my Spiteful Blog.

If you are interested in the Web 2.0 theory and practice, you can look up my site (www.web2do) and blog devoted to that.